when in doubt...

when at a loss for more interesting things to write about, i always revert back to updates. job, music, corazones. here they go:

i started back at the advertising job i used to have before i moved to FL. yep, i'm designing once more, and calling more of the shots this time around. and they contacted me, imagine that. nice for a change. my friend says, “you must be a real star.” i'm not sure if that's true so much as God having blessed me at a time when i really needed blessing (is there ever a moment where we don't, really?).

music is coming fast these days, coming slow these days. the band has reconvened and has planned the next strategic moves that should make or break us. we are moving forward with the album. mixing is just about done, and soon we master and ship off to a list of networks and contacts. play gigs. manager hunt and push this as far as humanly possible. i wish i were writing more songs though. i can't explain it any other way than to say that when you are a creative being, there are moments in your life where your inner voice prompts you to release yourself to the art. i've been ignoring this voice for all the obvious reasons of being in a sorta limbo living situation where i have little quiet “me” space to let loose in. in the past i haven't been very good at finding the adequate balance for channeling that creative force. the best and closest i came to it was back in FL when i was living alone. that's where it lived and moved freely. absolute fluidity. deliberate sometimes, uncontrolled at others, but ever present.

the rest of life is pretty normal. great and normal. or as my friend says, “regular”, as in “i'll have my eggs regular.” no epic fails has to be a good thing. i learned the hard way from the last experience and now place myself on the priority list...at the top, to be exact. the reality of life is not everyone can put you on their list all the time, nor them on their own list for that matter. but as long as i keep myself on my list, life feels right. that's where i have to be. i truly believe giving to ourselves enables us the wherewithal to give to others. how we can learn, grow and change, become better, be content with how far we've come and hopeful about where we need to be, and more importantly have the strength to get there. i know nothing of it all except that i want my biggest success in life to be service to Baha’u’llah, and therefore to humanity. i wish to always strive toward this purpose. it's the only thing worth living for. worth dying for. whatever beauty happens beyond that is purely icing on the cake.

31 january 1818

when i have fears that i may cease to be
before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,
before high-piled books, in charactery,
hold like rich garners the full ripen'd grain;
when i behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
and think that i may never live to trace
their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
and when i feel, fair creature of an hour,
that i shall never look upon thee more,
never have relish in the faery power
of unreflecting love;—then on the shore
of the wide world i stand alone, and think
till love and fame to nothingness do sink.

~ John Keats