and then there was...

half way between the procrastination and anxiety, a pretty little thing fell by the waste side. i'm still dreaming and floating but can't see the ground below. i think somewhere there is someone feeling something similar to this. and though i know there is no absoluteness of solitude in God's vastness, i find it all too easy to fall off. when the lights go down, it is i who sits inside myself caught in thought. i probably used to be pretty good at winging it. i was quick with convos and quite loose and silly. then, 10 years happened and what changed? who is this girl starring back at me in the mirror? she kinda looks the same. kinda looks different. the best of it all is that there is sparkle coming back to those once glassy eyes. how this pleases. i guess what has happened is i actually kinda like me now. and i'm loving my hair? yes. i've been able to gauged my life up to now by how i feel about my hair. why did it take so long to get here? you couldn't prepare me just a little bit? how come you didn't tell it would be this hard? or this exciting? or life-changing? i can't wait for the future to hurry up and get here. yes, i enjoy the now all too much, but the future is so great. i'm in love. it happens to the best of us. music happens to us. how a chance encounter in someone's car leads to the discovery of that sound that changes the air and enriches life. i'm a balance between mystical thinking and practical. that's the artist within. part of me fantasizes that God has placed these things in my path to guide me toward meaning. intuition and Faith are my tools of choice and as much proof as i need. my chest beats inside, and my heart is leaping. methinks if someone could spend ten seconds inside my head, they'd be shocked, disappointed, exhilarated to find i'm more than i lead on. i don't like driving from the backseat. so here i will stay a little while longer.